Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
