a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Randomize
