How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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