Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
It's like his dick is pushing through his pants and driving him over here.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
