pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
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