I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I wish there were birth control emojis
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize