Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Finally better. I had to use eye makeup remover to get the purple wine stains off my lips
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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