I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
organizing the empties. That sober.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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