why didn't you poke me back
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
My bed smells like the plague
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
