God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He's listening to "my heart will go on" by himself in the living and its not even noon. MAKE IT STOP.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize