i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
farters have to be the big spoon...
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Randomize