sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Are we still banned from the library?
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
When do you sleep by the way. I was surprised when I went to work at 1 am,left at 7 am and had a text from you somewhere in between
I just vodka nap now...
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
