covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Randomize