Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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