Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
