I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
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