Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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