How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize
