I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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