when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
