I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
She's JV to your varsity
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
