A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
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