So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
