My mom foundout about my dui nd just called me to come home. I just took acid like 30 min ago. Wht should i do?
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
Randomize
