We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
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