He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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