It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Randomize
