Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
