I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
