He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
We were watching sports center while I blew him so we could see the football highlights. I missed fall
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
