yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
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