gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
