i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
