Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
