I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Randomize
