He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
Randomize
