it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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