Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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