Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
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