All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
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