Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
What happened to fro yo and sex?
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
