dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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