I skipped work to stalk him.
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
i believe in u and ur pee
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
