you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
Randomize
