Please, let me fuck your mom
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
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