we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
