Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
