kristin has been a bad kristin
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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