My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Stand and applaud for me. I have successfully masturbated in a Walmart changing room with the door wide open during normal business hours. I lead a very Charmed Life.
Randomize
