you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I DEMAND FORESKIN
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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