At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
The power of my boobs compel you
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
