You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
whose ass print is on the piano?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
