how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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