I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Randomize
