Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
Four minutes until I can fart!
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
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