can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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