Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
