We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
Randomize
