shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
