i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
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