Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
Randomize
