I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
