we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
where are my pants?
in the oven.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
