I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Randomize
