We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
