WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
