kristin has been a bad kristin
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
